How to Avoid Falling in Love
Have you had it up to your eyeballs with falling in love?
Do you keep picking the wrong men?
And now you’ve decided to never ever fall in love again because all you get is a broken heart?
Seriously at this stage of my life I now know that landing up in suffering in the name of love was because I wasn’t tuning into what I really wanted. But we won’t talk about that now. Because it’s so damn hard to face up to one self isn’t it?
So lets take a look at Friskey’s suggestions on how to avoid falling in love:
- Date only the wildly inappropiate.
If you’re an early riser, date a party boy who’ll turn your mornings into misery. If you’re a Sporty Spice, trawl the local comic books store and land yourself a sweet dork who couldn’t arm-wrestle his way out of a Mylar bag (that’s what they store comics in, FYI). Eventually, the novelty of dating The Other will wear off, and you’ll be single again, but without any of the heartache that usually accompanies breakups.
- Take up recreational complaining
Whine about your health, your stress level, your childhood, the meal you just ate. If it exists, you can put a negative spin on it.
- Pair the the bitching and moaning with bragging:
If you’re artful enough, you can combine the two. “I’m so tired because I was out all night at a totally hot new restaurant, fending off some guy named Josh … something … Hartnett? Anyway, apparently he’s an actor. I don’t know because I don’t own a television. I’m far too busy with my literature to watch movies.”
- Develop an annoying catchphrase and use it constantly:
Why? “Cause I’m a GIRL!” or “Catch ya on the flipside!” are fairly effective man deterrents to call into play if a date is going too well. Extra points if you can combine it with an obnoxious hand gesture.
- If, God forbid, you find yourself starting to really like a guy, pick out his negative traits:
Believe me, even Mr. Right has a little wrong. It can be anything — his pecs might be too firm, his taste in cinema could be too smart, or maybe he’s just too good looking. I mean, who wants to go out with someone prettier than you?
If you look hard enough, you’ll find something. Then, every time you start to fall, you can stop yourself by focusing on his ragged cuticles or sometimes-difficult-to-decipher French accent.
Phew no waaay could I put myself through any of that. Me I’d rather date myself. I genuinely like myself. So call me precocious. See if I care. (Okay, okay.. I know you wrote that with a pinch of salt, now didn’t you, didn’t you Friskey?) But truth is there are hundreds of women that behave like that when they want to fall in love and have someone fall in love with them. And then wonder why they are falling in love and not being loved back.