I noticed to my dismay when checking my web stats that a few people land up on this blog because they want to know how to seduce a married man.
Seducing a married man is the same as seducing any man but why the hell would you want to knowingly seduce a married man? Unless of course you enjoy suffering cos ultimately you will feel pain.
It may appear exciting and even convenient in the beginning. A juicy relationship without the committment. You never have to wash his shirts, pick up his socks or comfort him.
Eventually you’ll feel pissed off about him being married.
You’ll be wondering if he’s sleeping with his wife when he’s not with you. Christmas and other holidays will feel lonely.
I’ve never seen a happy outcome. I have women and men friends that have got them selves into a mess by being involved with some one else. The men i know who have been involved have all confessed to me when the “other woman” starts nagging about his other life they feel more compelled to end the affair, rather than leave the wife.
Seducing a married man is no different to seducing any man. I wrote the Seduction Diva’s Cheat Sheet which is an easy way of seducing a man. But beware because seduction doesn’t mean you’ll be winning his love.
All too often women are upset that the man they’re having sex with isn’t really giving them what they really desire – love, respect, devotion and honesty.
Before you go seducing the married man remember that he has officially devoted him self to another woman and you will be his secret liason.
I do believe married men are unhappy with their wives or they wouldn’t be seducable in the first place. Even so he is still officially married to his wife – he has to deal with his own feelings of guilt.
In my opinion it’s best to save your seduction power for available men.
I find it sad that women would go so far as to ask how to seduce a married man, although I am fully aware that some women ‘get off’ on the power trip of messing with another woman’s man. So sad.
I also don’t believe that all men/women who cheat are unhappy with their wives, but rather unhappy with themselves, and unable to find their own happiness and fulfillment within themselves, and feel the need to attempt to achieve that through others. Both parties are cheaters, liars and thieves, and if that’s what these people want for themselves, again, I find it so sad, and I can only feel pity and contempt for those types of toxic people. Judgment I know, but none the less, how I feel.
I clicked on the link to this article because I asked myself “why would you want to?”…seduce a married man? I just had to find out what you had to say about the matter. I’m happy to have discovered that you discourage such behavior.
searchingwithin,
I don’t believe women intentionally want to go on a power trip to mess with another womans man. I think they have just fallen in love with a man who is not available to them.
The reason they are looking for information on how to seduce a married man is because they want him to fall in love with them. (That’s the reason most women want to seduce any man – because at the end of the day they are looking for a partner that will love and cherish them).
Seriously i have been the other woman before – it was never my intention to ruin another womans life. I broke the relationship off.
In many cases the man does have feelings for the woman he is having an affair with but he is torn with feelings of guilt because he knows he is cheating on his wife.
Relationships based on guilt, pity and shame are never a good thing wether married or not.
Anyway I don’t recommend having a fling with a married man.
There are marriages which are completely open – ie. each partner is free to have sex with other partners without feelings of resentment. Both partners need to be able to handle this kind of agreement. The wife may be happy with it – but the other woamn may not be happy with it.
I fell in love with a married man, at the time i didnt know he was…then i was so lonely after a bad marrage and divorce myself, i got so attached so fast…i backed off and then…things just picked up and started getting close…i fell head over heels and he said he did too…he said he loved and and everything he said was so real,..he said he cared as much about me as I do him..
fir a month we got so close,..after being away from her…he ended going back home, said he would sleep on the couch nothing would happen….says he hates her..
when he came back he said he had sex with her….it was just sex and he LOVES ME….i love him so much but i am so tired of being treated like this…do you think its possable for him to love and want to be with me, and just make as he called it a MISTAKE?
Seriously I’ve been involved with a married man myself and I know the pain you’re feeling. Infact I wrote a post about it here: http://www.howtoseduceaman.net/2009/02/confessions-from-the-other-woman/
In my opinion you should forget him – if he really wants to be with you he will leave his wife. Evrything else is just an excuse to have his wife and you. It’s up to you to not put up with this behaviour.
When you refuse to see him he will either decide he can’t live without you or he won’t contact you.
There is no way you can be happily in love with amarried man.
When it comes to falling for a married man, you have to ultimately surrender to the fact that if he isn’t finding a way to leave his wife. Now, not a year from now. Not, “when the time is right”. If his marriage was that tragic, he would have found a way out before using someone as an excuse. When dating a married man, you are only getting scraps of his attention and time.
You should find someone who is willing to give you the devotion and effort you derserve. You’re worth it
I just read this. I am six weeks, today, into finding out that my husband was seduced 9 years ago. It produced a child. It is devastating to hear, he wasn’t happy. He didn’t act that way. If we were having trouble it was because of his porn use and my offence to it. Anyway. I am hurt now. I may divorce him from reading this article. Maybe then he can be happy.
Hello Paula,
I know of another a case where the man had an affair with another woman, which produced a child. It happened in my own family but now that was many years ago and the man is still with his orginal wife – my mom and dad!
If you find divorce is the only way to reconcile yourself with what happened then do it. Even though your husband had an affair and has porn issues you may still be able to get together with him. What ever you do just remember that bitterness and anger does not resolve any issues.
Thank you for reading my website.
I met this guy just over a month ago at a conference, we hit it off straight away it was an instant connection and physical attraction.
A group of us from out of town were all staying at a hotel for the 10 nights the conference was on, on the 8th night all of the group came to my room including this man to have a few drinks one by one everyone started to leave, just before he was about to leave he got onto the bed and kissed me goodnight on the lips, I was shocked at first because I knew he was married but the attraction I felf for him was so strong I kissed him back, one thing led to another and he left my room at 230 in the morning, however we did not have intercourse. The next day we both chatted like nothing had happened until we were alone and we discussed how much we both enjoyed it. I have seen him once since the confrence finished as we live in the same city and this was only for coffee , he told me he had thought of me after the confrence and it was strange being at home with his wife, we had exchanged mobile numbers and I find myself texting him things like, “how’s your week going” he replies sometimes, I’m starting to feel that I want to suggest we see each other again, I know this is a horrible thing to do as I don’t want to be the other woman I just want to be his woman, I wonder to myself if he was so happy at home would he have done what he did with me?
Hi,
I understand where you’re coming from – I’ve been there. And let’s face it just because a man is married does not mean that he is not attractive. The thing is though he is officially married to another woman. Can you deal with that thought? You also say you are texting him and that some times he replies. Maybe he is realising what he is getting himself into that is why he does not always reply. Give him a gap and leave all the contacting up to him. Anyway there are thousands of eligible men around so you don’t need to hang about and wait for him!
Hello there.
I have been reading what you’ve all been saying, and it actually made me cry. I’m completely caught up with some guy and I just found out that he’s been married for 20 years. He says that he loves me, and I love him, but he also says that he’s not going to leave his wife for me – he can’t do that to the children. I get the feeling that he’s done this before and, if I start demanding that he leaves her, he’ll just drop me. I don’t think I could cope if that happened.
What can I do?
Dear Jessi,
If I was you I wouldn’t make any ultimatums that never works. But I would stop hanging onto this guy and start going out with other people. Really there are so many available and attractive men out there!
Just think maybe one day you want children which will obviously not happen whilst you are with him. Well it could but the outcome would not be the one you would want.
You are worth a open relationship.
I have a stupid question, I guess. I am about to get involved with a non-married but in a long-term relationship man. He initiated it – he had replied to an ad i posted about wanting other spouses of people with mental illness to kvetch with. He told me he decided he needed “something for himself” to keep himself sane as he was too deeply entrenched in his relationship to leave even though he “knows it’s doomed”. His gf has asked him to marry her several times and he’s said no because he says marriage is important to him and he knows it wouldn’t work with her.
after a few weeks of intense attention and pillow talk, i broke down and agreed to have an affair with him. see, my partner is almost catatonic and we haven’t had a sexual relationship for over a year. he arranged for us to meet at a very romantic location, was a total gentleman, and we made out for an hour. i saw him again and had the same experience, except this time, as soon as we met he took my hands in and put me on his lap and started nuzzling me – not sexual stuff, initmacy stuff. we messed around some more and he asked if the next time we saw each other we could be initmate.
the thing is…we have a lot in common and there are a lot of strange coincidences (we knew each other over a decade ago, and remembered each other, and yet we meet anaonymously on CL in a huge city – stuff like that.) Part of me wants to make this into a relationship, I admit. It’s only been a month, but I am definitely infatuated.
The thing is…I am so goddamn naive. I have no idea if this is just sex for him, or if I have a chance at getting into his heart. And part of me knows that when you sleep with a guy, he makes judgments about you and if you do it too early it puts you into the “ho” category. Yet…after our second “date” he was telling me “if this doesn’t work out” he wants to openly introduce me to his mother and have me up for Chrsitmases. I have lousy christmases as my family is dead.
Am I reading too much into this? he remembers when my exams are, is careful to let me know when he will be away or unable to answer me, and when i told him a while ago i needed a schedule of some kind as it wasn’t worth it to get his table scraps, he begged me not to break it off and said he would do anything i suggested.
please help me. i honestly don’t want to risk having my heart broken again. my current bf has hurt me so much even though i know he’s sick and can’t always help it it doesn’t make the pain any less. i really think this guy and i have enough in common to have a shoit at something more, but i have no idea how to make that clear without scaring him off..and the next time we meet i have to decide if i will sleep with him, and i am afraid that if i say yes it will be the end of my chances (if they exist) at more.
Funny how these long term live together relationships are like being married except of course you don’t have the document to proove it.
All I can say from my point of view is that I couldn’t deal with a dysfunctional relationship – I would break it off. And then I couldn’t deal with having sneaky affair either. When i was involved with a married man i was single – it was his problem how he was explaining his absence to his wife.
Now that I’m in a long term relationship – playing house together I would not be able to handle a lover on the side. But then again my relationship is not dysfunctional. If it was I know I would end it.
There are how ever couples who decide to have totally open relationships which means each partner is free to have sex with another when ever they want.
Should you find your self falling in love with this other guy, it will be hard coming home to your current partner. Your heart will be some where else.
I have never met a woman (except prostitues) who is able to have sex just for sex. They always land up getting emotionally involved. From that point on things get messy.
As I said before if it were me, I’d end the relationship with the bipolar man and then be free to meet a fun and unattached man.
Thanks I guess. That didn’t really answer my questions but I appreciate the time you took to reply and I respect your obvious moral stance on this. I have already made plans to leave my bf but I am stuck here until my lease is up in September. I guess I will just try to keep it together for the next few months until I can be free, but I still wonder if this other person and I could work.
You’re right about women not being able to have sex without getting attached though. I’ve never met a woman who could either.
Hi Jolene,
I don’t know if you and this guy can work out. If he is already playing house with his current girl friend he may not breaak up with her and you will be the other woman.
It’s not even about morals. Frankly I don’t give a damn what relationships people have – I’m not there to point fingures at any one. It’s about you – can you deal with being the other woman? How will you feel when you know he is going back to her after he’s been with you?
I’ve noticed that at the end of the day women want love & adoration. It sucks to be 2nd fiddle!
ive have read all wrhat people had said your reply, i am involved with married man at the moment we have been seeing each other for that past 4mths, at first he told me he will not leave his wife but just few weeks ago he told me he loves me and is planning to leave her after is sons wedding in march.
part of me is sort of happy and part of me isnt im 37 and he 15yrs older than me, my youngest is 2 and his youngest grandchild is 4, i dont really think that he want to leave her because he keeps asking me that when he leaves his wife will i change etc and the fact that he will have to be with a woman that has young children in not sure hes 100% wants to do it because when he comes round now and the kids are home he keeps on about not being able to have sex.
im bit stuck in the middle
Hi Lisa,
Nobody can tell you what to do. But those little things he is revealing about himself like the fear that you may change and that he is not sure about wanting small kids around would set my alarm bells ringing.
If this were happening to me I would break it off. If he really is interested he’ll contact you after he is divorced.
Seriously there are hundreds of available men out there who would only be too happy to take you on with your small kids,they may even have their own small kids.
In my opinion relationships that cause pain and suffering are not necessary. One can have happy relationships.
Sorry I think I made a mistake to pose and please read this one.
I am a 24 years old woman who is still studying in graduated school. I have been dating over 1 half years with a married man who has opan-relationship. At beginnig I was dating with him because I was pretty curious about his relationship and I had opan-mind to this, also because I was a foriegn student in North American and I was lonly. After we dated for a few months, I found I found I was falling love with him and even felt I couldn’t live without him. I didn’t want breakup with his marrige and didn’t want to hurt his wife. I hanged out with his wife for 2 or 3 times and we got along pretty well. But unfortunatly even I liked his wife, I couldn’t stop to jealous her and felf awfully misery. I got badly sleep disorder and couldn’t keep myslf calm when I was in my apartment by myself.
After few months suffering, I decided I need to move on so I applied a 5 months exchange to a German university and tried to forget this guy. In the time of in Germany, I tried to think about positive things and made new friends, I indeed got my happy time in Germany. But after I came back, the same thing came again. The guy called me and Emailed and then I met him again. I hate what was happened because I slept with him after we met. Then the misery came back. I tried to date with another guy, a very honest and good-looking guy. I hope I could stop the relationship with the married guy from dating with another one, but then I failed. I cheated on the guy who was really loving me and still slept with the married guy. I could’t forgive myself, so eventually I told the guy and then broke up with him.
Now I am still dating with the guy who has opan-relationship and 2 weeks ago he told he is planning to have baby with his wife in this year. I told him I should break up with him because I couldn’t date with a kid’s father, that makes me feel guilty. But he told me that he dosen’t want to lose me and I am very important to him. He said he think he can handdle our relationship well even he will have kid. Also, he told me if it was really my choice to break up with him and I will feel happy,then he will respect my decision even he will need long-time to heal the hurt that I leave him. For few days struggle, I said I hope I could be friends with him. But after we met, we slept with each other again. He mentioned that he had the best sex with me in his exprience with other of his dates before and he said he almost has not sex with his wife, just once a month. he said I am amazing and make him extremely happy.
For my part, my sleep disoder continue after I come back from Germany and it becomes worser, I began to have nightmare and sometimes crying in my dream. I always told myself to be a strong woman and I need to move on. But if few days I couldn’t meet him, I would crazyly miss him and couldn’t control myself. I am an attractive woman to guys and always have guys in my class asked me to hang out and was interested in me. I don’t know why I pushed myself to such misery and hateful situation. Please help me and give me some suggestion because I know if it last long,I will suffer more serious spychology problem!
Sincerely hope to get your advise!
Dear Vivian,
I know how it feels to be addicted to a man especially if the sex is good. And I’ve also been involved with a married man before. Honestly most of the time was not fun because I knew he belonged to some one else.
I’m not in a position to tell you what to do – I can only say what I would do.
Considering that this man is planning on having a child with his wife I would definately stop seeing him.
It will take a while to recover from the pain but you will get over it. Believe me there are so many decent available men out there.
Why hang onto a man where you are having more pain than fun?
Your married man will most likely not leave his wife, especially now that they are having a baby. He says he doesn’t want to lose you but he doesn’t want to leave his wife either. Believe me he’s having the best of both worlds and you are having a miserable time. I would stop seeing him immediately, have a night out with my girl friends and concentrate on getting my life back.
You are young and good looking – you don’t need him!
Thank you for your suggestion. it is a tough period to me and the pain the guy bring to me need long time to heal. There is one thing I was always thinking: he never thought how huge amount of pain he brought to me, I want to know is it possible someday he knows that the misery he bring to me and regret? The thing is, I ever want him to want me again and I know he will never leave his wife and change his life style. I know what I was thinking was kind of silly.
This is a hard one..
I had my jaw operated on a few weeks back and the surgeon and I hit off right away. I know he pays extra attention to me and checks me out even when im not looking (my friend saw). Even after the first consultation, he would text and call me to find out if I’m fine. Many a times we would have a drink after the consult, i would catch him looking at my legs, complimenting the way i look and finding excuses to touch my hands..after awhile, he started suggesting we should hang out together. He is a very young and handsome doctor.. I am so attracted to him.
3 weeks later, I found out from his colleague that he is married and i was so crushed !!!
So I went a little bonkers and did some internet stalking. I’ve seen pictures of him with 2 babies on facebook…but none of his wife. Although I found a blog abt his wife writing 6 months into the marriage which is 6 years ago. Im just wondering, throughout all my interactions with him, he has never told me about his relationship status.. Also, I’m too afraid to ask him, because I’m afraid that if he knows I know, he would not give me the same attention as before.
Right now Im enjoying his attention and the sexual tension is dense.
Last night he kept texting all the things he wants to do with me when I meet him for the first time in a non-hospital setting. very sexual things. We haven’t even set a date for the meet, and he’s already thinking about these things. But today, he completely ignored both my text messages! They were very innocent text messages though. I’m at lost.. what is going on..
well, this is not the first time he ignored me. The first time was 2 weeks ago when he asked me to take him out for a movie. Ok i took like half and hour to reply to that one, saying maybe he should book a restaurant instead. But after, he just completely ignored me! we only started talking again because a few days after i was scheduled to see him at his office for a work-up. And then the flirting would start again…And we had drinks in the hospital after the consult.
I’ll be going interstate in a few days time, and i’d be far away until next december. This seems like the perfect opportunity for a fling.. but now i dont know if he wants to do this or not. Also, Im starting to get worried/sad that he didnt reply the whole day.. does this mean im slowly having feelings for him?
In all honesty, I would proper date him if he were single. But right now knowing he is married, I just want to ease that sexual tension between us. But I dont know what he is thinking… and I am worried..would I get emotionally attached? would i get hurt if he doesnt want to see me next december as friends? even if the sex was just for a couple of days only. just before i fly off in a week’s time….
Hmmm besides him being married, I would tell you this even if he was single: let men call you – I know it sounds very old fashioned but if a man has said he’ll call you then leave it up to him. I recommend you read Mini Tanners Calling Men, she explains how men are wired and what they mean when they say something.
In all honesty I would forget this man – it looks like you will always be the one waiting for him. You will get hurt because you will always be the other woman he is secretive about. I have never known a woman who did not get emotionally attached, unless of course she is in the business of selling sexual favors.
Hi
i’m 18 and i love a 36 yrs old married man with 2 kids…:)
i do love him and i do wanna be with him, but i also love his kids and his wife, their so sweet…and i really don’t know what to do, i don’t wanna be such a bitch and also don’t wanna loose him and just forget everything about him…
plz help me, i’m so confused…
Dear Sarah,
Firstly thanks for visiting my website. Secondly you say you are 18 and involved with a man who is 36. Besides him being nearly 20 years older than you, he is also married. You say you don’t want to loose him, but what is he doing to keep you? Nothing.
I know it is easier said than done, but please stop agonizing over this man. He is betraying his wife which is a sign of disloyalty, and at the same time he is betraying you. Just think if he is doing this to her it means he would do it to you to, if you were married to him.
You need to get in tune with yourself. Figure out what makes you happy. Happy women get the happy men. If i were you I would forget about him. It may hurt now but the pain will recede. There are wonderful young available men out there. A good book to read is How To Find the Man of Your Dreams
Hi, I have a simimilar story to the ones posted abvove . I have been knowing this guy for abou two years now the firt time I saw him I knew this was the man of my dreams and that he was the one who was meant to be my husband. We met at work he got me a higher position at the company we both worked at and we got to know eachother for over a year. We had been flirting and my feelings for him got stronger over time. Here is the facts; we are both married I have two girls 4 and 5. He has no kids. His wife and him have been trying to have children since they have been married. He loves children they cannot conceive. So we got entangled in an affair, we moved really fast and started having sex. After the second time being intimate he came inside me and claimed it was an accident. I want to know why he would do that if he says he loves his wife and does not plan on leaving her? Would he be so sick to have a child with the woman on the side and not leave his wife to raise his child? Or could it be that he truly loves me and wants to see if he can have a child with me and that way I could leave my husband and then he would leave his wife and we could start a family together? I did not get pregnant. My husband found out about our affair and he called him and threatened him in many ways. The other man was very upset with me and did not want to speak to me. I tottally understand as it was my fault my husband found out. So i quit my job about a week ago and before I left I told him that I had just realized I was deeply in love with him. He said he wanted to see me again but did not want any drama with my husband. I asked to meet him one time after work and he asked me how were things at home for me and how I was doing. We made out and then he had to go. He has not contacted me ever since (about a week) since we both agreed that I would do the contacting since he does not want any problems with my husband. But I know that when a man loves a woman he will move heaven and earth to be with her. I have been able to keep myself from contacting him since I don’t have to see him everyday and I’m sure it will be easy to stay away. My question is what if we were really soulmates and meant to be together? What if I try this again and I get pregnant this time will we be able to ever be truly happy since he craves to be a father? Me and my husband have managed to make things work and he wants to forgive and forget. But my heart still belongs to the other guy. My love is patient and I know one day we will meet again and we will both be available but I truly believe he is not happy with her and we were meant to be together. Some people just end up with the wrong people and is it so bad that I’m the one who wants to pursue this?
Hello Jennifer;
Thanks for stopping by. Let’s look at the situation – your husband is prepared to forget and forgive which shows he is a good man and must really appreciate you. You have 2 young kids with him.
Would you really want to leave your husband for a man that is married to another woman? What would happen to your kids, would you take them with? How will you explain to them that you are leaving daddy to go and be with another man? If this other man is prepared to leave his wife and commit to you then that changes things. Would this other man love your kids like they were his own? What if after a couple of months you realise it was only hot passion and daily life is unbearable with him? Would it have been worth all the unhappiness it caused the family?
Why doesn’t he want drama with your husband? What about drama with his wife? And just think if he had an affair with you whilst he was married to her – it means he could have an affair with another woman whilst he is with you.
You say he craves to be a father. Has he had his sperm count tested? Often when women don’t conceive it also an issue with the man.
You say your heart is with the other man and some people just end up with the wrong people. The reason they end up with the wrong people is because they don’t think about what they want in a relationship in the first place. They just settle for any relationship, rather than giving it some thought before hand.
I know my reply may seem hard and cruel. If you are unhappy with your husband then leave him, but not because you want to dive into another relationship which may not be the real thing either.
Sincerely
Claudia
Hi Claudia,
Thank you very much for your advice. It has been two weekd since I don’t speak or talk to him again. He has not tried to contact me in any way. I am a little disapoined as I really thought we had something special. I guess that goes to tell me that he never loved me the way I loved him… I am doing really good now that I moved on and focusing on my family. I guess even if we were soulmates and me and him were meant to be together . It does not matter anymore since we both have our situations and obligations. I don’t think he cares much for his wife since he has cheated on her before and he also claimed to not feel any guilt when he did so. I truly believe he is a very unhappily married man as he spends most of his time at work and very sporadic does he and his wife spend time together. I never asked him if he would leave her for me. But something in my heart tells me he would not cheat on me (I know.. Foolish on my side) but I truly do believe I have a good man by my side and would do anything for me, and it’s too late for both of us to try anything again.
Hi Jennifer,
Well I sure am glad that you have decided to move on. You will see how much joy kids can give you. A man is not always the answer. And I’ve noticed it’s the women that get on with life and have a happy out look who attract happy and secure men.
Take care.
Hi, happy to read your advice, I was involved with a man who is in a relationship for 20 years. (broke it off 2 wks ago but we still talk to each other on the phone)we were involved for a year, of course we feel like soulmates, but i’m concerned about hesitance to leave. According to him he is afraid because tho he’s cheated before he’s never fallen in love with the other woman. he claims to feel “obligated” to his woman for sticking by him all these years and forgiving him everytime for his affairs. His indicisiveness is making me sick! he is such a coward. Right now i feel like i want him to leave me alone once and for all, cut off all communication. his feeling obligated makes me think that if eventually breaks up with her, he will then feel “obligated” for breaking her heart. There’s also a child involved who is always at his beck and call. The woman’s family is the type that likes trouble, she has already come to my house to question me before wen she saw me in his car. she reminded me of who he lives with and that she does not share her man. She also met him while he was married to someone else. am i doing the right thing?
Hello Angela,
You are doing the right thing to have left this man. If he wanted you that badly he would have left his wife.
In my opinion nobody is ever obligated to another person. If you are not with somebody out of free will the relationship is damaged. Forget this man and go find yourself some body that is available for you.
And as for his wife approaching you – I’ve been there – I wrote about it here.
Thanks for visiting.
Hello Claudia
When I was in High School, I got infauted with a cop. When I graduated from H.S thats where the communications beganned. He knew I was sexually attracted to him, and proceeded to tell me quote ‘ Im kind of married’. So I was like ok well I will back off, he told wait its not like I have any kids. I told him well your probuly been married for over 25 yrs and I… He cut me off and said Ive been married for a couple of years, and I belive your a very attractve you lady, and wanted to make plans to sit somewhere and talk. I said ok fine with me. We havent yet sat and had coffee yet, just small flirty convos over the phone.
Even if hes been married for a couple yrs it just stun me that hes a middle age man, and cannot get it together. I just dont know why I want to do him, hes not the most attractive man in the world (my gfs would back me up with this definetly) but yet I wont him. If i were to do something with him i would want him forever but still go out and do my dirt. i would love to just do him, and keep him as friend. Or gladly take his gifts he offer.
what would you if you was in this situation?
Hello Garcelle,
If I was in this situation I wouldn’t get myself emotionally involved.
You must realise by sleeping with him and accepting his gifts you can quite easily find yourself feeling emotionally attached. This can lead to frustration because he still is married and will always have an obligation to his wife.
Being friends with him is fine as long as he sees it that way too.
Thanks for visiting.
My problem is that we are both married, and we are both very much happy with our partners…as a best friend, but we fing ourselves unsatisified sexually, and we are both so attracted to each other. We flirt and have fun, but it feels like it may be turning into something more.
Is there a such thing as a “no stings attached” sex?
Hi,
You say you are flirting and having fun which could be turning into something more. That something more is what is a sexual attraction. Sure there is no strings attached sex- that often happens when people pay for sex. The only string part is money for sex but both partners know from the outset that’s all there is. If you are having fun, are you sure there aren’t some other feelings happening there?
How would you honestly feel if it is no strings attached sex? Say the sex is really fantastic plus you have fun with this man, you honestly want to tell me you won’t be thinking about him when you’re at home? That’s where the first string attaches itself.
Rather make a plan to get your husband feeling sexy. Try flirting with him again.
The title seems turned into “Why Should We Avoid a Married Man”.
I have read all the stories about a woman attached to a married Prince Charming.
I am a married man and I love beautiful women. I don’t mind to share what is in a married man’s mind.
1. Believes
========
I honestly believe a man can love more than one woman at the same time, though not exactly at the same moment and at the same level, sexually and emotionally.
When you were in the Another Woman’s position and he said he loved you, I would believe he was telling a truth. (If you didn’t trust what he said I would question why you would fell in love with him in the first place?)
Woman loves to have a stable family, man does too; and man doesn’t mind to have a stable extramarital love-sex relationship either. (Women might be well the same if there were no double-standard in our society.)
When he gave you an impression that he loved you more than his wife (at that moment), or there was a possibility for him to leave his wife, he didn’t necessarily intend to be misleading. The fact that he would not leave his wife, in a way, might show he was a responsible family man. If he were a man switching wives for new women easily you would be scared away in the first place.
If he deliberately misleads you, he might be forced to do so in order to keep you.
2. Findings
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Both men and women know the troubles or risks before hand for an affair. Men tend to be less capable of controlling themselves at the start, while women tend to have less control once the relationship is in a full speed.
Most married men will not leave their wives if they have an Another Woman.
3. Opinions
========
On one hand, we are willing to take risks to have as much fun as possible in our short life. On the other hand, we want to make sure our fun can last long with our skills to handle the situations, even the ability to clean up the mess that our fun would produce.
No pain, no gain. If we don’t have the capacity to handle the pain, then we shouldn’t get ourselves into the unwanted situations that we can not afford.
My suggestion is to keep the expectation level in check and don’t let it grow out of sync too big and too late. A healthy relationship should be one that both parties benefit equally.
If I were the man, I would tell my Another Woman straight and in the front that I had no intention to leave my wife, as well as I would let my wife know I had another woman, so I could enjoy fun without guilt.
If I knew that a woman wouldn’t be happy in the end being my Another Woman, I would try my best not to take to her to bed. If I liked her, adored her and even loved her, why I would want her in an unhappy situation? But I am human too, like so many other men (including those famous historical figures and presidents); I can not guarantee I can always be capable of what I wish, especially without any help from the other side.
Thank you Peace for your honesty.
The way I see it then is to just have an opne relationship where each partner does what they like sexually. I must ask ask you how would you feel if you knew your wife was having affairs on the side line? If that doesn’t bother you then You are both ready for an open marriage.
Just by the way does your wife know you have affairs? And does she accept it?
Thanks for visiting.
That’s a very fair question, which I has been asking myself even since I had my wife. Because of double standard, I believe most husbands would have hard time to accept their wives’ affairs, while at the same time expect their wives to accept their own affairs.
My answer to the question is: Since I would expect she accept mine (if ever that would occur), I would force myself to accept hers, even though I wouldn’t feel comfortable.
To the second question, my wife doesn’t know since I never had one. But she knows well who I like and adore.
Men want to have rich lives by satisfying their needs as much as possible. But until we grant women the same rights and freedom, we would never reach our goal in mind. It’s the “Help them to help us” mentality that most of our men still can not get it.
As the same as in love-making: We need satisfy our girls in order to satisfy ourselves FULLY. WE NEED TO FREE WOMEN TO FREE MEN.
Hello
How to seduce a married man ..
well ..
There’s no way to do it from my experience .. if he want’s to be seduced it will be easy .. if he doesn’t it’ll be pointless.
Im 25 now with a daughter of 3 and a partner that’s 26 and been with him for 4 years .. i completely and utterly adore, respect and love him more than anything, ever.
I also have ‘another man’ that i have been sleeping with for 7 years, he’s 38 and has a new partner that he been with for 6 months, and an ex-wife with a child that he was with for 5 years, and he loves them more than anything like i do mine .. he also owns his own garage .. and also my partner’s boss.
We began sleeping together when i was nearly 18…i know what your thinking .. a young 18 year old starts sleeping with a 31 year old .. she’s young naiive and thinking he will give her the world .. WRONG!
Me nor He had partners when we started having sex, we kept it quiet as i was young and didn’t want to really be stuck with anyone.. we started meeting up late at night, on quiet country roads, in his garage, club toilets anywere when we needed it .. it was good sex…really good! I suppose some part of me believed i was grown up and cool sleeping with this man but not for one second did I allow myself or want to for that matter become emotionally attached to this man, because i knew that it would never work.
He met his partner, and that was it ..we kept sleeping together .. i knew her .. but i didn’t feel guilty as i had done nothing wrong .. we carried on .. and then i met one of the lads that worked at his garrage .. i fell in love with him .. and still in love with him .. we dated then nearly a year later i fell pregnant with my partner .. (yes i do know who the father is as i always have safe sex with my ‘other man’). I stopped sleeping with him whilst i was pregnant as i believed it wasn’t appropriate for me to do so, but we kept meeting up on the quiet like we always did, and talked, we are really good friends. Then we decided to stop the affair as we both had children by then. Then nearly a year after i had my baby we met up again and had sex, he spllit up with his partner, nothing to do with our affair but because of difficulties in their relationshps. Then a year or so later he met his partner and we kept sleeping together, 2 or 3 times a week or mabey once a month it depends, and still do.
What i’m trying to say is .. you can’t make a man love you if he doesn’t want to .. The reason our affair works is that we are both happy with our partners, we have great sex regularly and are truly happy with our partners, and we don’t become emotionally attached. I am really good friends with my ‘other man’ we love eachother but not in the ‘normal’ way. Were more best friends than we are ‘lovers’, we have fun.
I do feel guilty at times .. but what my partner dooesn’t know won’t hurt him .. that might sound bitchy, cruel or hearless to some.. i suppose if i found out he was having an affair of the same sort, with no emotional attachemtns i would understand and have to accept it. But if my or his partner found out i would end it with my other man as it would not be fair for them to know what were doing, and if he left me then i could understand.
I know my ‘other man’ is sleeping with his partner and he knows im sleeping with mine and we both have great sex with them, and it doesn’t bother me.
I love my partner more than anyhthing .. if we got married i would end the affair .. as i would have committed myself to this man for the rest of my life and if my ‘other man’ got married then we would end it becouse of the commitment.
Affairs dont work if you let yourself become attached and start believing that you are more important than his wife, i know im not more important to my other man than his partner is and neither is he more important to me than my partner is. Our prioraties are at home. I have never nagged my ‘other man’ ever made him choose between me and his partners neither has he to me. And we never will.
The way i see it is we are not hurting anyone, no one knows about our affair and as long as we carry on like this no one ever will. I don’t stress about it and i don’t crave this other man…it’s just good sex…that is all that it is .. That’s why it works.
I just don’t understand how these women who have affairs with married men for years believe that it would work .. if he hasn’t left his wife in the first few months he never will .. that’s why women get hurt..because they expect too much from their affairs.. the reason it is secret is because it’s not meant to be faund out, because seep down he doesn’t want to leave his wife.
Sometimes i even question myself if it is an affair .. but rather a sexual relationship with NO emotional ties.
Hi,
My story is a little different. I have been working with my boss for 12 years. In the beginning I was very resistant to becoming friends with him. Eventually though, we did become friends. Our spouses joined in on many lunches and dinners and we all became friends. I never called him at his home, especially about work issues. My husband would call their home to invite for dinners out. BBQs were always at their house. My husband and my bosses wife would call each other boyfriend and girlfriend and sweetie etc. It never bothered me or my boss, it was a joke. We also didn’t do much talking and would often comment on how they were the outgoing chatty ones. We would also ask the question ‘why did we act so differently when we were with our spouses than when we were together?’ When together we would talk more and joke more, nothing flirty at all. Just more comfortable. He would call me constantly. I used to roll my eyes when he’d call or not answer the phone. People at work started to say he was in love with me. I always laughed it off. But he would tell me in e-mails that he loved me and missed me when he would go on vacations. He started to wonder what our children would look like, out loud.
People in the office would say when his wife stopped by for a visit that she didn’t like me. Why was I so blind? She gives you the evil eye. I used to defend her. Say they didn’t know her; that she’s really nice.
A co-worker had invited the office to her wedding. It was pretty fancy so naturally we were more dressed than normal. He was driving several office people as designated driver. He picked me up and that was the first time I noticed how he looked at me. He also surprised me that night by telling me his wife didn’t like when he and I went to lunch or did anything together. I wanted to kiss him that night. I was embarassed by my feelings and ended up telling him the next day that I was very uncomfortable about my feelings. He started looking for ways to find alone time together and actually moved out of his house. He said he wanted to divorce his wife. He kissed me on the mouth, no tongue. I told him we were both married and it would be wrong. He pursued me awhile longer and then told me he was going to go to marriage counseling with his wife’s bestfriend. I told him I thought it was wonderful.
He took me to lunch one last time and told me ‘if someone doesn’t like you it’s because they’re jealous of you’ he told me this was very important and I always needed to remember this.
All phone calls to me ceased. I was used to him calling me everyday, sometimes 3 times a day. We would talk about everything. I was devastated. It’s when I realized I was in love with him. In the beginning he felt guilt. He’d throw me extra money. He’d try to stand farther away from me. You could actually see his discomfort in doing so. He’d avoid me at the office. Would no longer stand next to me in office pictures. I would go home and cry. His wife started sending me flowers. But in the same breath would tell me how terrible I looked. She would call everyday and ask for me specifically to give him messages. He was buying lingere and lots of jewelry for her. He seemed very happy.
My husband was confused because we were ditched as friends, so were my children. His wife would run into my kids occasionally and bash her husband to them. My kids thought it strange she never asked about me. My boss called, they had an emergency and needed help. I told him I’d call back, when I did his wife told me never to call her F-ing house again (it was the first time I ever called in 5yrs). Five years went by like that. He started calling me again, a lot but not as often as before. For the last 2 yrs he tells me he loves me and misses me and has always loved me. He tells me he wants to stay married. It’s harder to leave when your kid is older now. Yet he constantly flirts and pursues. Yet much more guarded. I had another staff member quit because she said our relationship is weird and he doesn’t know what he wants. His wife is not what he needs, she involves herself and her emotions in the office too much. He doesn’t know where to draw the line. To this day I don’t know what this staff member meant and we didn’t know each other that well. I cannot quit my job. We work very closely together, always have. I am still in love with this man. I am separated from my husband. I don’t know what this is anymore. He still flirts and pursues relentlessly.
I met him two yrs (March 08) and some change ago at work. My girlfriend has known him for years and she figured we’d be great together. She also figured it would propel him to finally breakup with the girl he always complains to her about. Well, it worked! The chemistry was instant! Unfortunately for us, I was also in a relationship. So we respected them and remained good friends pretending there wasn’t a strong attraction between us. He complained to me about the constant fighting between him and her and I secretely wondered why he didn’t just ask me out while I convinced him all the fighting was passion! He came to me for advise on everything and we talked about anything from sex to religion to vacations. He went to Greece for 2 months and we chatted online together. His girl spent 2wks with him yet he wanted me to go too.Naturally I refused. A year later (Dec 09) he comes to my cubicle as white as a ghost and tells me she’s pregnant! He’s devastated and I tell him to do the right thing. He’s from a very traditional Greek family, and though he had been dating her for close to 2yrs he had never spoken or introduced her to his mother, so I convinced him to go tell his parents. He didn’t do it until her 4th month.
<On the insistence of his family, he sold his condo and moved her in his parents' home while they house shopped in the neighborhood. Fast forward and it's now Nov 2010 and we continue to text and phone each other. His daughter was born in August and he insisted I come see her. Very ackward but I went for him. I wish it had been me who bore him his first child but I was genuinely happy for their blessing. I'm a single mother of two so I know how amazing it is to have a child. He asked me to be her godmother, again I refused.
So It's November and I tell him that a supplier of ours is hosting a Chritmas party at a swank hotel downtown, open bar! I was truly surprised when I saw him come in an hour after I'd been there. Though I hadn't seen him since August I spent little time with him. After quite a few drinks and lots of dancing I noticed him leaning on a wall staring. I walked over to him and teased him for not joining me on the dance floor, next thing I know we're kissing feverishly. 2yrs of bent up longing spilled over in those kisses. It was hot, amazing and intense! It's now 7 months later and we've done more than kissing! We still eat breakfast and lunch together everyday. He insists on paying for all our meals and when he can't he cooks home and brings it for us to share. He coaches part-time college football and is building his company so anytime he leaves home for them he either sees me before or after. We've gone away together to Toronto for the weekend, we would have gone again if not for my guilt winning the constant internal battle.
His girl has figured out I'm in love with him after a phone conversation In which I admitted that we shared a mutual flirtation. This happened back in April. She asked me to stay away for the baby's sake. I promised I would. I kept my promise for 7 excrutiating days during which he constantly tried to see me. I finally gave in but it's been in and out with me trying to walk away. I can't seem to let him go! Two days ago, his girl found his cell bill and found out he is still calling me. She told him to break the friendship up with me on the phone while she listened in on the other line. He refused. She called me at work and accused me of causing her to leave him, but she hasn't.
He says he's in love with me and that he finds peace and happiness in my arms but that he needs to stay with his daughter and that he loves the mother in a "f-ed up" way. . They've conceeded that they aren't happy and that it can't continue like it is, but no one's making any moves at resolution. Meanwhile here I am in love with my bestfriend and caught in the mess!
I love him dearly and I know he loves me too… I'm so miserable I don't know what to do with myself! I feel that in my attempts in trying to do the right thing and being the good Christian girl I've possibly allowed my "one" to slip through my fingers! I've joined this site in the hopes of receiving some insight and advice. I've been holding this all in and I have no one to seek understanding from. And to be honest, I feel like I'm dying inside!
Hey there.
How can you deny your own happiness by doing he right thing? I know initiating an affair with a married man is considered immoral but what if he turns out to be your soul mate; destined for one another? I say if you are attracted to a married man; you should go for it, however, you should acknowledge the pain and suffering you are going to cause.